I had one of those days yesterday. I feel like I was expecting the worst all day. But I was expecting the best too, you know? I was running nonstop, full speed ahead all from the moment I woke up. There was dinner in the crock pot by 8:30 am. I taught a great Sunday School lesson that I made up all by myself (okay, I had a little help from the Bible.) My friend Teresa stepped in to be my helper at the last minute which left Daniel free to watch the football game. So good-wife points on top of everything else.
I was keyed up with excitement because of the Big Meeting right after church that included Free Lunch. The Big Meeting was huge; a ton of women gathered together to talk about ministry ideas for the coming year. I could hardly sit still (and so I didn't try to.) The idea that we would all come together and talk about serving each other! Serving the community! Serving the world! Unbelievable!
Perhaps because I was so high up I had farther to fall. But it seems like the smallest moments of discouragement during the day were completely deflating. There was one moment of *brainstorming* where I presented an Idea for a friend who couldn't be there. Idea was completely dismissed and replaced with "You mommies of young kids should just do a babysitting co-op instead." I could have burst into tears right there. Because running Sunday School, Awana, and getting sitters for our life group isn't enough? We should't even suggest that at some point someone in the Church could minister to us?
A day later it still bothers me, so clearly I wasn't in a balanced place yesterday. My unreal sense of proportion affected my communication all day. When one friend wasn't excited about the meeting, I was crushed. How could you not be excited about something that I am so thrilled for? When another friend thought they wouldn't make it to Bible Study that night I was dismayed. Why wouldn't you want to do exactly the same thing with your day that I plan to do with mine? Don't you love me? Aren't I good enough for you?
A days worth of input that with a normal filter on would have been laughable, enjoyable or at least understandable was to me unbearable. By the end of the night I didn't have a kind word left for my husband or my kids. I ran around my house throwing out trash like it was infected and scrubbing like dirt had caused all the trouble in the world. I'm thankful that I had that outlet at least.
I feel a little bit like that today still, ready to jump on my mom (who I am visiting) at the slightest provocation. I'm trying to maintain a serene space--to keep calm and treat my mom and my kids with respect. I'll be glad I did it at the end of the day if not in the moment.
That's all. Just befuddled by how I undermine myself in ways I don't even expect.
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2 comments:
So sorry for that kind of day. Reminds me of an adorable book about a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day that was read to us in elementary school! I wish I had known and I would have gone out of my way to encourage you (and also would have provided you with chocolate and a hug). Let's raise our coffee mugs, cinch our bathrobes tight and cheer "here's to a better day today!". :)
Delightfully, the door prize I came home with was laden with chocolate and hot cocoa. God is ever gracious.
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