Me Oh, My Oh

I get all sorts of Me time all for myself. I get to sleep in (a natural consequence from my girls fitful sleep.) I get to read as much fiction as I want. I get to write as much fiction as I want. Or non fiction. Or blog. I get to spend hours online (it would be less time online but I suffer from dial up internet.) My husband is supportive of anything I attempt and believes that I can do anything I want. And he wants me to do anything I want. I get girls nights out, babysitters during Bible Study, and I have playdates coming out of me ears, and more playdates just waiting for me to initiate. According to woman's magazine culture I have the perfect recipe for a fulfilled and satisfying life. Me time. And lots of it.

Yet I am not satisfied. I am very frequently exhausted, worn down, stressed, disappointed in myself, discouraged in my parenting and lacking a sense of meaning in life. I think the paragraph above makes the reason for my troubles clear. If I am stressed and exhausted and all of those other bad descriptors it must be because I have too much of something. I need to read through the above paragraph and highlight whatever it is that occurs to often.

I get all sorts of Me time all for myself. I get to sleep in (very important since the girls don't sleep through the night.) I get to read as much fiction as I want. I get to write as much fiction as I want. Or I can write non fiction. Or I can blog. I get to spend hours online (it would be less time online but I suffer from dial up internet.) My husband is supportive of anything I attempt and believes that I can do anything I want. And he wants me to do anything I want. I get girls nights out, babysitters during Bible Study, and I have playdates coming out of me ears, and more playdates just waiting for me to initiate. According to woman's magazine cutlure I have the perfect recipe for a fullfilled and satisfying life. Me time. And lots of it.

This paragraph seems to center all around on person. Myself. I am leading a very self-centered life. Self-centered and not so satisfying. I am doing things that are fun but not productive, and enjoyable but not refreshing.

All by myself it would be impossible to address and change my whole self-centered life style at once. Fortunately, I don't have to do things all by myself. I have the Holy Spirit to guide and help. Praise the Lord because I need the help.

I was reading a book about mommy stress that brought this all up for me. One small section was about getting me-time in a busy schedule. I have the least busy schedule I know of and the most mommy time I can imagine. So I gave thought to the kind of mommy-time the author was suggesting. That was when I saw where I had gone wrong.

The way to heal my personal case of selfishness-induced-dismay is relatively easy. Especially with the writer's strike on. (I pray the Lord will give me strength to continue once Lost returns on air.)

I sleep in to compensate for a broken night's sleep. That means I get up when Daniel leaves for work, eat breakfast at the computer, shower while the girls watch Sesame Street and get a pretty late start on the day. Because I am cranky and worn down I don't take anytime with God in all of that.

Even I can see that that is not the healthy way to deal with a stress I have come to expect nightly. I need to, and did for the last two nights, go to bed earlier. (That's why the writer's strike helps. Who wants to watch TV when nothing is on?)

Can you guess what comes next? I thought so. To bed early means waking up earlier as well. And waking up earlier means taking time with God, reading the Bible, contemplating it's meaning and praying before I start anything else.

Most any fundy would tell you this is the only way to start the day. As a confirmed non-morning person I have always denied that this was necessary. But it is.

I need to and am convinced that I can, start my day off focusing on God instead of myself. We will see what this does to my ability to cope with a three year old, a one year old and a constantly getting messy house. I think it will make all the difference.

The author of the book I was reading would call getting to bed early and reading the Bible necessary me-time for a mommy. I think, in my life, it is important to make a differentiation. Getting to bed early is healthy me-time, yes. Making time for the Bible and prayer is God time. And I need it.